I remember when I was trying to express myself in school. Tons of thoughts would wander in my mind, without knowing where to go. My head would start to get heavy and crowded and I would start to think there was something wrong. I needed to get them out somehow. Since then I have improved. But I went through a phase where I let my emotions run wilder that I could ever possibly imagined. My mood would swing from up and down in seconds and people would look at me like I was totally crazy or on the verge of a breakdown.
It’s not easy to talk about it and it’s not easy to find someone who can understand. I rely on my family for that. They helped me sorting out my bad emotions. Nowadays, I feel stronger to control them. I am no longer a kid, I am a woman. I need to behave. But still… there is something wild in me that screams freedom. I can’t disobey. I can’t become totally someone I am not. I still need to be me. I still want to obey to my emotions, just with a little more control this time. I know it’s possible and I’m on my way to do it.
Even if you think that you are not in power, you are. What helped me the most was trying to gain consciousness over my thoughts and over my heartbeat. I had to breath until 10 seconds, before saying anything or let my heart go wild. My brain would feel a little calmer and I was able to feel the stream of thoughts getting in straight lines.
This does not mean I am willing to become a different person. I am just taming a little my wild side, while still keeping it fluid in my body. I don’t want it to let go of me. I am fond of it.